All rum t'be tax free.
Instead: a 50% levy on Cheryl Cole MP3s downloads.
I can't bloody stand her music.
All British schoolchildren t'be trained in swordsmanship an' gunnery.
Half of 'em be knowin' how t'use a knife already, this not be a stretch.
Fix broken Britain.
A free roll o' duct tape sent t' all homes.
Require Apple to rename the iPad in the UK.
New name: the iPatch.
A complete ban on unexpected items in the bagging area.
Not a pirate joke, it just be irritatin' me every time I be shoppin'.
Once got five gold runs on Blockbusters.
Runs the UK part of International Talk Like A Pirate Day.
Despite all appearances, is not a student.
Was once interviewed by Lizo on "Newsround".
Third place in th' 2002 Barry Island Dance Dance Revolution championship